If confusion leads to knowledge... Im in the process of becoming a genius!

I am feeling very confused. I am thinking of maybe dropping out of varisty. At the end of the year. Just for a year. Almost like a belated gap year! I was looking around and i found this wedding planning programme for a year where you learn the ins and out of wedding... planning! I think I would really enjoy that but at the same time, that doesnt exactly find in with what I had imagined for myself. I was torn between not knowing if I want to be the 50's housewife/ highpowered career women, to wearing suits with matching pink heels in an office or jumping between jobs! AAAAAAAAAA!!! I want answers and I want them now! And thats where my problem lies. I know that God has included me in His greater plan ... but I wish He would reveal it now. While I wait, Im finding myself in this perpectual bubble of constancy and I feel like life is passing me by while I wait. I dont even want to think about having to tell my dad that maybe varisty isnt what i want to do right now. He actually might lose himself considering 3 months ago I told him I wanted to apply for medicine!!

I'm in a sticky situation I would say.

Best onscreen kiss?

I hope she'll be a fool... thats the best thing a girl can be in this word, a beautiful little fool.

Today I wrote an English test. It was based on the book, The Great Gatsby (a must read for anyone looking for a light read but also those who are looking for a little inspiration). Basically its about this guy who reinvents himself as this millionaire who becomes a legendary celebrity. People fuel the illusion of him when in fact his money came from illiciting illgeal goods. He has the profound perception that the only reason he lost his first love, Daisy, is because he didnt have money and he has made it his life's mission to recreate this vanishing past by ensuring that he could prove her wrong. The problem is that he became so consumed by the idea of Daisy and what she represented thst he didnt realise that the 'blossoming rose' had become a 'grotesque rose'. Its a novel about perceptions and excesssiveness (loving too much, idolizing too much, consuming too much) and the ambivalence of society (the American Dream vs the darker reality that lies beneath that).

I think the reason its still so relevant today is because people relate to other people who are messd up because of the complexities of life. The reader witnesses as the charcters expose their vulnerability by removing their masks and performances. People are also attracted to the 'romanticised cowboy myth.'

Needless to say I found it fascinating. I really related to the one character who is subtly described as a brute: Tom Buchanan. I didnt relate to him for that reason but rather for the fact that he too drifts through his life constantly searching for the same fulfillment that he recieved in his glory days as a star footballer. Thats kinda how I feel... at school I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be MD chairperson, JJC counsellor and head girl and I was blessed with everything I wanted because I worked hard for it... and I cant seem to feel as fulfilled and as worthwhile as I did then. I am now at varsity where the cliche saying of I feel like just a number applies. I feel like there is nothing to work for, other than to get a degree. And yes that is important but I dont feel.... well selfishly, important. That sounds funny to write.

I want that feeling of having a purpose. I was always such a driven and motivated person, where has that gone!

Goodnight...

Goodnight readers. I may not have any right now, but one day I will, and this will act as a reminder of my very first blogsite and more importantly my very first written post on this blog.

I dont promise that every day you will be entertained or find this worth reading... but I promise to try:-)

Sweet dreams world out there.

XOXO

The quintessential woman.

Audrey Hepburn: Breakfast at Tiffany's

Audrey Hepburn: My inspiration